Trading Spaces With Anita Blake

Host: And now we're here to see what the results are of the swap between Ronnie & Anita!

Anita: Here you can see what I've done with Ronnie's living room. (Gestures to an interior that's mostly covered with black & penguins.) I switched out the ugh... pastel sofa for a nice leather couch. I've even waterproofed it so it's easier to clean.

Ronnie: (Ronnie looks vaguely nauseous) Please tell me that you're talking about cleaning food & wine off the sofa.

Anita: (blithely ignoring Ronnie) Well... Nate & I had to "feed the beast", but we cleaned it off! That waterproofing really works!

Ronnie: You've got to be freaking kidding me. (looks at host)

Host: (in chipper tone of voice) No, she's telling the truth. We've got video! (gets a glare from Anita & an interested look from Nate) But uh... it got destroyed. (hushed voice) Note to self: leak the videos through demonoid.

(Group goes over to Anita's place)

Host: So Ronnie, tell me what you did for Anita!

Ronnie: Knowing Anita's current hobbies, I took extra special steps to make her living room fit her current lifestyle. (gestures to the sofa) See this sofa?

Anita: It's not water proof...

Ronnie: It turns into a bed!

Host: How very in- (gets cut off by Ronnie)

Ronnie: See this armchair? It also turns into a bed! (Anita starts scowling even more than usual) The real trouble came from the more customized items. Check out the media center- top of the line electronics, game systems, & a bluray player. (Nate brightens) But push this button here...

(Ronnie pushes a button on the wall as motors start whirring)

Ronnie: It turns into a *vibrating* bed! You should see what I did with the counters...

Host: Let's stop you right here. Does *everything* you changed here turn into a bed? (Ronnie nods.) Exactly how many beds did you manage to fit in here?

Ronnie: About eight. Anita's a busy girl, don't you know.

Anita: Are you calling me a skank?

Ronnie: Hey, when your partners get up into the triple digits on a single *day* I think that it starts becoming a little excessive.

(Anita starts drawing out one of her pistols as the host starts hurriedly going through the closing spiel)

Host: And that's all the time we have today... (cowers) WTF, don't shoot me lady, I just work here.

Nate: Oh, don't worry- she rarely shoots anything. She just likes to pull them out & look impressive. I don't even thing they're loaded.

Anita: ....

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<<it makes me imagine an HGTV show set in the Anitaverse>> Imagine if someone decided to do a Trading Spaces sort of show.... ----------------- Host: And now we're here to see what the results are of the swap between Ronnie & Anita! Anita: Here you can see what I've done with Ronnie's living room. (Gestures to an interior that's mostly covered with black & penguins.) I switched out the ugh... pastel sofa for a nice leather couch. I've even waterproofed it so it's easier to clean. Ronnie: (Ronnie looks vaguely nauseous) Please tell me that you're talking about cleaning food & wine off the sofa. Anita: (blithely ignoring Ronnie) Well... Nate & I had to "feed the beast", but we cleaned it off! That waterproofing really works! Ronnie: You've got to be freaking kidding me. (looks at host) Host: (in chipper tone of voice) No, she's telling the truth. We've got video! (gets a glare from Anita & an interested look from Nate) But uh... it got destroyed. (hushed voice) Note to self: leak the videos through demonoid. (Group goes over to Anita's place) Host: So Ronnie, tell me what you did for Anita! Ronnie: Knowing Anita's current hobbies, I took extra special steps to make her living room fit her current lifestyle. (gestures to the sofa) See this sofa? Anita: It's not water proof... Ronnie: It turns into a bed! Host: How very in- (gets cut off by Ronnie) Ronnie: See this armchair? It also turns into a bed! (Anita starts scowling even more than usual) The real trouble came from the more customized items. Check out the media center- top of the line electronics, game systems, & a bluray player. (Nate brightens) But push this button here... (Ronnie pushes a button on the wall as motors start whirring) Ronnie: It turns into a *vibrating* bed! You should see what I did with the counters... Host: Let's stop you right here. Does *everything* you changed here turn into a bed? (Ronnie nods.) Exactly how many beds did you manage to fit in here? Ronnie: About eight. Anita's a busy girl, don't you know. Anita: Are you calling me a skank? Ronnie: Hey, when your partners get up into the triple digits on a single *day* I think that it starts becoming a little excessive. (Anita starts drawing out one of her pistols as the host starts hurriedly going through the closing spiel) Host: And that's all the time we have today... (cowers) WTF, don't shoot me lady, I just work here. Nate: Oh, don't worry- she rarely shoots anything. She just likes to pull them out & look impressive. I don't even thing they're loaded. Anita: ....

   

Guidelines

Hanging with Anita Blake

Coworker: (hand jerks to the side, ruining the paperwork) Aw man... (sighs & grabs another piece of paper as the desk keeps jiggling & moans or various cries come from off camera) Now I have to fill it out all over again... (as he begins to attempt to fill out the paperwork a length of hair falls onto the paper & he moves it to the side, only for the hair to whip back again & to hit him in the face)

(phone rings just as he's getting ready to say something)

Coworker: Thank you for calling Animators Inc, how can I help you?

Anita: WET AND TIGHT, PEOPLE! WET AND TIGHT!

Customer: Excuse me?

(coworker attempts to talk over the sex noises only to get drowned out easily)

Coworker: (sighs as a leg suddenly gets thrust over his half of the desk & starts wiggling back & forth) Anita, could I have a moment for this phone call?

Anita: Can't... stop... ardeur... needs feeding...

Nathaniel: By the by, how is it that you're not getting drawn in?

Coworker: Because I'm not pretty or notable enough to the author to warrant getting drawn in to the orgies. I'm fairly immune.

Anita: I suppose if you HAVE to take that phone call I can work on my... oral presentations for a while.

Coworker: (listens to receiver) Never mind, they hung up. Again. Seriously, I'd rather work in the bathroom than work in the same office as you. It's not like there would be any less amounts of bodily fluids or small hairs floating around here.